7 Things to Consider Before Getting Married (pt. 1)
I’m breaking this post into two parts…there is a lot of information and I don’t want you passing out at your keyboard or phone while reading it! I do think this topic is important, so I spent a lot of time putting this article together and I hope the information provided on these 2 posts on things to consider before getting married will help you or someone else in their marital journey!
PART 1 of 2
You always hear people saying that the reason they are getting married is because they love each other. While that is a good reason to be together, it isn’t a great reason to get married. At least, it shouldn’t be your main reason for getting married. In this article we will go over 7 Things to Consider Before Getting Married.
After talking with people and getting feedback on the most common reasons people get married, I found myself shaking my head. I’m sure we all have our selfish reasons for wanting to get married, but almost every reason I ran across was about how one person would selfishly benefit by being married. Some of the most common reasons for marriage that I came across were:
- It will increase our income
- I’m in love
- I will not be lonely
- I will have more sex
- It’s the next stage in my life
While these are all things that could potentially happen when you get married, they should definitely not be your main reasons for getting married. I view things like these as potential byproducts of being married, but they are certainly not guaranteed. These reasons set people up for failure in marriages. These reasons have no solid foundation supporting them. These reasons help explain why the divorce rate sits around 50%.
Marriage should be all about three becoming one. That being said, shouldn’t our reasons for getting married reflect that oneness? There are all kinds of reasons to get married and not all of them are bad. I think if a couple gets married, they should be in love with each other. But I also know that being married requires much more than love for it to last through the ups and downs of life.
If your marriage is not grounded on solid biblical foundations, then you and your spouse run a much greater chance of not having a marriage that lasts. Below are 7 Things to Consider Before Getting Married.
1. Do you and your spouse have closer relationships with the Lord because you are together?
We’ve all heard the verses claiming that God is a jealous God (Exodus 34:14) and wants us to have no gods in our lives other than Him (Exodus 20:3). In marriage, it is extremely easy to turn our spouse into our “god”. We have a hard enough time dealing with the fact that we make ourselves gods in our own lives. When we throw a spouse into the mix, things can get really ugly for us spiritually.
- I don’t want this point to be taken wrong. My point here is that you and your spouse should encourage each other to pursue closer relationships with God than with each other. I believe there is a priority order for our relationships in life. Your top priority should be your relationship with God. Your second priority should be your relationship with your spouse. Your third priority should be your relationship with your kids, then your family, church, work, etc. all fall in after those top three things.
All that being said, your spouse should help you cultivate those relationships in the proper order. If your relationship with God is not in a good place, more than likely your relationship with your spouse will not be in a good place. There are exceptions to this, like anything else, but God’s Word is clear that HE is to be our top priority, and you and your spouse should encourage one another to always be growing in your individual relationship with God and you should be growing in your relationship with God as a couple as you work together to represent the Gospel (see more on this below).
- Colossians 3:16 – Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.
- Hebrews 10:24 – And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.
2. Do you and your spouse have peace from the Lord that you should get married?
This was especially true for my wife and I. Neither of us heard an audible voice from the Lord saying, “Jon and Nicole, you two should get married.” We did however spend a lot of time in prayer, asking for guidance from the Lord. We prayed for confirmation and peace regarding our future together. And guess what…He gave us peace!
- Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
- 1 Corinthians 14:33a – for God is not a God of confusion but of peace…
3. Do you trust your spouse’s relationship with the Lord?
We know that sometimes, people lie to get what they want. This can also be true in relationships. Guys are notorious for doing this when it comes to dating and relationships, and it is not unheard of with females. Just because someone says they are a Christian and they have a personal relationship with the Lord, does not mean that they actually do.
Many times in dating relationships, we have a tendency to be blinded to our partners flaws. While this can be a good thing, it can also be a very bad thing if it is not controlled. The Bible says you will know a “false prophet” by the fruit in their lives. The same is true for true followers of Christ also (Matthew 7:15-20).
Pay attention to the way your spouse talks to you and to other people. Do you see them actively engaging in their relationship with God on a regular basis through prayer, reading their Bible, and building godly relationships? Do you see evidence of the Fruits of the Spirit in their lives from Galatians 5:22-26 (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control). These are all signs that we can pick up on to see whether or not the person we are in a relationship has a heart for the Lord and will do a good job of encouraging us in our own walk with the Lord.
Ephesians 4:21 says, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” This can be a difficult command if you do not trust your spouse to help lead you spiritually.
Ok…so that’s it for Part 1 of 2. If you want to keep reading, click here for Part 2 of 7 Things to Consider Before Getting Married