7 Things to Consider Before Getting Married (pt. 2)

I’m breaking this post into two parts…there is a lot of information and I don’t want you passing out at your keyboard or phone while reading it!  I do think this topic is important, so I spent a lot of time putting this article together and I hope the information provided on these 2 posts about things to consider before getting married will help you or someone else in their marital journey!

Click Here if you missed Part 1 of 7 Things to Consider Before Getting Married

 

PART 2 of 2

4. Are you confident that your marriage with your spouse will represent the Gospel (Jesus’ relationship with us, the church, as His bride) to others?

• Ephesians 5:19-33 does an amazing job of breaking down God’s ideal version of marriage, and the roles for the husband and wife in marriage.
  1. “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (v. 21)
  2. “Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” (v. 22-24)
  3. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (v. 25)
  4. “husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” (v. 28)
  5. “a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” (v. 31)
  6. “each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” (v. 33)

Men are called to be like Christ to their wives, sacrificing their very selves to love and care for their wives. Marriage is such a beautiful picture of the Gospel because that is exactly what Jesus did for us. He gave Himself up for us. He sacrificed His life for us on a cross so that we could spend eternity with Him.

Our new one flesh relationship with our spouse represents the oneness of God, Jesus and the church. Christ gave up His life for the church. The church is His bride and the two have become one. When God sees believers (the church), He sees His son, Jesus. As Paul says in vs. 32, “This is a profound mystery – but I am talking about Christ and the church.”

When I think of “one flesh” the word inseparable comes to mind. I think back to my own salvation. When Jesus took over my life. We became one that day. Jesus now lives in me through the Holy Spirit. We are inseparable. I think about marriage in a similar way.

My wife and I made a commitment before God, that we would devote our lives to one another and to Him. Knowing that we have both surrendered our lives to God, by practicing God’s presence, and by implementing the commands and promises of God into our marriage, I believe we will be inseparable.

God takes those commitments and promises seriously and we should too.

5. Are you committed to stand with your spouse through the ups and downs of life?

As believers we are called to help carry each other’s burdens (Galatians 6:2). If this is true in our individual lives, how much more true is it in a marriage relationship?

Ups and downs are a part of life. We all have them, rarely can we predict them, and typically it is always better to have someone to lean on when we are going through them.

• Proverbs 18:24 -”One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.”
• Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 – “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: if one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!”
• John 15:13 – “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.”

6. Do you and your spouse realize the importance of good communication in your marriage?

I believe that poor communication is one of, if not the, number 1 cause of marital problems and divorces in our world today. It is also a huge factor in most of our controversies in any of our relationships. If we don’t talk to each other, we won’t know what the problems are. Also, if we do talk, but don’t do so in a positive, or constructive, manner, we won’t be able to deal with our problems properly.

People communicate in a variety of ways. Some people love sharing their thoughts and feelings, while some prefer to keep conversations short and sweet. Some people are sarcastic and demeaning, while others seem to only have nice things to say. Regardless what type of communication you are used to, it is extremely important that you and your spouse develop good communication skills and habits in your marriage.

You should feel safe to speak with your spouse about anything. I believe that people can say pretty much anything they want to, but it is often the way a person says something that “get’s them into trouble.”

My wife and I have experienced first hand the power our words have on each other. We can also confirm that we have grown closer together and have developed more respect for each other during times where we had to have difficult conversations with each other. When we are able to be honest and open with our spouse, and our words are received in a positive way, we develop freedom in our marriage.

See this post on The Power of Our Words for more information on communication in marriage.

If we lie to each other and say everything is fine and never get real about certain issues, we leave room in our marriages for satan to attack us and put a wedge between us and our spouse.

Here are some important verses to try to memorize or at least reflect on when it comes time to communicate with your spouse in a godly way.

• Ephesians 4:29 – Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
• 1 Peter 4:11a – If anyone speak, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God.
• Psalm 19:14 – May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.

7. Do you and your spouse understand that the reason you have issues in your relationship is because of sin in your lives?

If we are followers of Jesus, then we have to know that our problem is sin. We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). The Bible is very clear that the problems we have in this world are caused by sin, either our own sin, or the sins of other people.

I LOVE James 4 because it does such a good job of breaking down why we have fights and disagreements.

• James 4:1-3 – What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

How much more straight forward can you be? We fight because we don’t get what we want! We are all selfish. We want something and we don’t get it, so we get upset. We even get upset with God because He doesn’t give us what we want, but as we can see in verse 3, we don’t get what we ask from God, because we ask with the wrong motives.

We need to constantly be evaluating ourselves and our motives. Ask yourself, “Am I trying to glorify God with my thoughts and actions, or am I trying to glorify myself?” It really is that simple. God never asks us to sin so that He will be glorified. God hates sin because He knows the destructive power it has in our lives.

We also have to show grace and forgiveness towards one another when we sin. 1 Peter 4:8 says “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” Also, in Ephesians 4:32 we read, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
This is not a MUST HAVE list in order to get married, but I can guarantee that if you and your spouse implement the tools and suggestions from God’s Word mentioned above, you have a much higher chance of having a successful marriage in the eyes of Jesus, and His approval is all that matters!

Thankfully, what God asks us to do is really not that difficult. Jesus gives us two commands that sum up the entire Law. “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.” That’s it. Love the Lord your God and love your neighbor as yourself.

Sounds simple right? Sadly, some of the most simple things in life are the hardest to actually do. We tend to get in our own way when it comes to living out these two commands in our lives. Fortunately for us, we serve a God that is “gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.” (Psalm 145:8). God knows we are all works in progress, and He desires us to work hard and strive to be more like His Son Jesus. We have to put in the work, and He will reward our efforts when our motives are pure and our hearts desire is set on Him.

So there you have it…7 Things to Consider Before Getting Married. Hopefully the information provided in the previous post (Part 1) and above will help you in your pursuit of marriage. If you are already married, I hope some things stood out to you that you and your spouse can try to implement in your marriage to grow closer to God and to each other.

Remember God designed marriage, so it is ALWAYS a good idea to go to His Word for guidance.

What are some of the things you looked for, or are looking for, before getting married?